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He's very jealous. How can I get him back?
I dated a guy for 2 years. Well, we recently broke up and it's tearing me up inside. I love him alot but everytime we got into an argument I would tell him that I'm leaving. Eventually he got tired of me saying this and he helped me move. How can I get him back? I left several large items at his home and I have been over there three nights a week since we broke up. Do I continue this cycle in hopes that we will get back together or do I leave him alone? He only calls me maybe twice a week. I normally call him. He's very jealous and still says things that let me know he cares but we are still not together like I want. Please help.
Don't just resign yourself to wait or leave. Be proactive and communicate on a real deep and meaningful level, and then see what his response is. The following 3 points would be very impactful, if you can say them all:
Let's discuss each part of this communication.
1. Take responsibility for your part in what happened -- and do not refer to what you think his part in it was. Stay focused on being honest about yourself, and say to him is something like this:
2. And then suggest the remedial measures, something like this:
3. Finally, the invitation to him to join you in this learning and growing:
Then you can relate to him the following information, which we tell everyone:
Being open to learn and grow is how to succeed in a longterm relationship. Many couples fall in love, but split up later because they end up blowing it -- and do not have the right tools to deal with problems -- and they never open themselves up to learn what they need to know in order to overcome a problem.
So instead of consciously seeking out and learning the right tools to work though issues, things get undealt with and turn into longterm grudges and stuckness. And a marriage seems to get permanently cemented into unhappiness and unfulfillment -- tragically unnecessary and quite a waste of good heart and loving potential, simply because people don't know the right strategies to get through their issues.
We know all this from personal experience. Even though we are counselors, we are also human, and we are a product of our society, which does not educate people to succeed in love. In a real sense, we are all taught to think and feel about love in a way that leads us to fail in longterm relationships. That's why our divorce rate is sky high, and so many couples are far less happy than they could be.
When we first got together as a couple, we fell in love and had a great time. Then, like all other couples, we ran into difficulties. Like most couples, we did not know the right tools to overcome our problems. So they got worse. And we almost didn't make it. But since we had already failed painfully in previous relationships, we decided to do something different this time around.
We accepted the fact that our unsolvable problems were telling us one thing -- that we each needed to learn new and better tools for communicating and for working through the uncomfortable feelings that seemed to be blocking us.
And if we could do it -- then so can you.
We invite you to learn from what we found in our search for solutions. We would like to share with you tools and skills that we have found to be practical, effective, and that get positive results. These are some of the types of tools and strategies we offer when working with couples in our relationship coaching practice.
Based on over 20 years of working with couples to heal their relationships, I have written an e-Book you can download off our website. It offers step-by-step tools and strategies:
Learn how to change patterns that damage love.
You can get the same material in my printed book: Relationship Tools for Positive Change
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