Articles on Love

Stopping Destructive Communication

Just Say "Time Out"

To travel on a new road, you must stop moving toward the Hole. This is the very first step. You need to take this step before you can begin to go in a new direction.

Let's say you find, unexpectedly, that you are involved in a situation where one or both of you are getting upset. You are about to engage in a familiar trip to the Hole.

Someone has just said or done something, and the other person is getting upset. The "Time Out" tool is what will keep you out of the Hole.

What you do is just say "Time Out!"

That's it.

If this sounds too simple, you are right.

It is an unusual thing to do, and therefore it will not be as comfortable as continuing to head into the Hole. Incredibly, couples are more comfortable with the familiar escalation to crisis, than with an unusual act like saying "Time Out!"

You and your partner need to set up a specific agreement for this technique to be effective. I discuss that below. You will also have to learn to say and hear the word "Time Out!" in ways that avoid further triggering emotional reactions.

But the hardest thing will be to remember to do it.

Let's address the actual meaning of saying "Time Out!"