More About Coaching

Details about relationship coaching — by phone and in person. Click the frequently asked questions. Or just read the page below.

     How does coaching work?
     What beliefs are involved?
     What results can you get?
     What if one partner refuses to get help?
     What if you're single?
     Costs and Location?
     Reviews by experts?
     Feedback from clients?

    How Does Coaching Work?

    John's approach is results-oriented. He will provide you with the key strategies, skills and tools that are essential to relationship success.

    Unfortunately, we were not raised in a society that showed us how to succeed in long term relationship. The legendary divorce statistics are clear evidence of this.

    If you are in a troubled relationship, John can help you get clarity and make positive changes. If you are single, he can assist you to move forward into a positive future.

    For over two decades John has been coaching individuals and couples to overcome obstacles and to develop deeply satisfying relationships.

    A great relationship does not just happen. It is based on what you say and do on a daily basis — especially when you run into difficulties.

    By using the right tools and strategies, you can make positive changes — even if you are now in a rough spot or suffering difficulties. John will coach you to:

		Change patterns that do not work. Learn why relationships get stuck, how couples polarize over differences, and why issues build up over time. Find out how your specific personality patterns interact, and clearly identify the key challenges and paths for positive growth in your relationship. Learn exactly what to say or do to avoid getting stuck, and to keep things on a positive track.
		Create a powerful shared vision. See the big picture and get broader perspective on how to move forward. Establish a solid foundation that gives vital strength to your relationship, one which creates a sense of shared purpose, and helps you work through challenges. Make specific new agreements to support increased harmony and positive growth.
		Effective positive communication. Learn a set of key strategies that will prevent poor communication under any circumstances. Get proactive methods to communicate very well, even with difficult matters. You will gain tools that enable you to have your views heard, to make effective requests, to set healthy personal boundaries, to avoid emotional gridlock, and to truly resolve issues.
		Transform negative feelings. Emotions are at the root of all relationship problems. Learn how to resolve emotionally charged issues. Develop emotional choices. Release old baggage. Gain tools for inner peace, self-confidence and healing. Learn to center yourself in any situation, to soothe your own feelings, and to more easily support your partner to work with their feelings.
		Build trust and positive connection. Gain essential strategies for being proactive in your relationship — with constructive behavior that increases trust, mutual understanding, expression and satisfaction. Rediscover positive shared feelings that were buried behind unresolved issues or emotional walls. Learn to strengthen appreciation and positive heartfelt connection on a daily basis.

    What Beliefs Are Involved?

    Couples need an education in new tools. Current research shows that an educational approach is the most powerful way to help couples who want to succeed over the long term.

    John's coaching philosophy is based on education as an approach and solution. He is dedicated to teaching people the practical tools they need.

    He can teach you how to communicate better and to resolve problems and issues — and to communicate in a way that builds greater trust and security.

    Relationship problems are not a sign of illness. People suffering from relationship troubles don't need, or necessarily benefit from traditional psychotherapy.

    What most all couples need is an education. We all need to learn different relationship strategies and tools — ones that will enable each of us to succeed!

    Education is John's forte, and lifelong skill. He will offer you effective help to succeed in relationship.

    Here are the core beliefs involved in John's relationship coaching:

		Everyone can build a rewarding and satisfying relationship. This is true regardless of past history or current circumstances.
		Being successful requires certain strategies and tools. These can be acquired. You can learn how to succeed.
		We each need to learn these key tools as adults. Most of us don't learn these growing up, thus our high rate of divorce.
		Relationship problems are important opportunities in disguise. They tell us it is time to learn the right tools to succeed.

    Seen in a positive light, relationship problems — as unwanted as they are — are what push each of us to grow as individuals. They ultimately move us to learn new strategies and tools, ones which will lead us to success.

    What Results Can You Get?

    Learn tools to have a great relationship. John coaches you to get unstuck, and succeed in experiencing the quality of love you want to share. He teaches you the key strategies, skills and tools essential to success.

    If you are in a troubled relationship, John coaches you to get clarity and make positive changes. If you are single, he coaches you to move forward and have the positive relationship you want.

    John can effectively coach you to:

		Gain clarity and take positive action
		Increase positive feelings and satisfaction
		Turn problems into opportunities and solutions
		Communicate skillfully and effectively
		Change unsastisfactory interaction patterns
		Break impasses and get unstuck
		Gain new strategies to resolve differences
		Build trust and a strong foundation
		Handle charged issues without sinking into negativity
		Make effective requests and agreements
		Release and heal old baggage
		Renew appreciation and affection
		Gain tools to soothe and heal upset feelings

    Want to see some of the tools he teaches? Look at his book on Relationship Tools.

    What If One Partner Refuses to Get Help?

    Change your part of the dance and your partner will likely start to change theirs. Sometimes one partner is reluctant to get outside help. This can become an added source of stress, conflict or hopelessness. If you want to give your relationship the best opportunity, consider going ahead and getting your own help as an individual. Many positive things can happen if you take matters into your own hands, and get your own assistance.

    In addition to gaining support, you will learn new strategies and tools — and you will make positive changes. These changes will not compromise you, but will represent personal growth for you. You will find new choices for how to feel and act. When one person starts acting differently, their partner has to respond differently. Relationship is a dance. You change your pattern of steps and the dance will change. As you start feeling better yourself and using better strategies, your partner will be able to respond in new ways. We often see this lead a reluctant partner to finally want to join in coaching.

    A general word of warning about going alone to a typical counselor if you have relationship problems. Statistics show that much of the time, this leads to divorce. Sadly, most counselors are not educated to support both an individual and a relationship. They tend to focus only on the individual. When John coaches individuals, he works within the bigger picture of the relationship, and offers help consistent with both your personal growth and moving the relationship in a healthy direction.

    What If You're Single?

    Why get relationship coaching if you are not in a relationship? Well, to put it simply, it pays to prepare yourself for success. If you truly want to have a great relationship, you need to know the key strategies and tools to succeed. In addition to enhancing communication skills, you will strengthen self-confidence and ability to work positively with relationship stresses or challenges.

    Also, as a single, it is important to know how to tell if you are with a potentially great partner, versus being pulled into a potentially unhealthy relationship. As we all know, feeling attracted to someone is no guarantee for a happy relationship. Many times, singles need to develop more useful belief systems than the fairy tales our society feeds us. They also may need to release old baggage and sources of self-doubt or inner walls which keep them limited.

    These are just a few areas in which singles may benefit from coaching. Relationship coaching can help you to be able to attract a high-quality partner, and to possess both the inner and outer tools that will support your lasting success.

    Costs and Location

    Phone coaching is available almost anywhere. John will call you wherever you are located. Conference calls can also be placed for couples in two locations. Phone coaching can be signed up for online — click here to request an appointment. The current cost of coaching sessions will appear at the top of appointment request page. You pay for your session in advance by credit card.

    In-person sessions are also offered in the northern part of the San Francisco Bay Area in California. They are given in the town of Sebastopol in Sonoma County, California. We prefer extended session format for all in-person work. Click here to read about in-person extended sessions. The current costs of in-person extended sessions will be listed on that page.

    Reviews by Experts

    Comments on the relationship tools John has created and on the coaching he gives to couples:

    "Powerful tools to expand joy and happiness. Discover new options that will make a positive difference in your relationship."
— John Gray, Ph.D., Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

    "A thoughtful, inspiring guidebook for the qualities and stages necessary for fulfilling, growth-filled relationships."
— Angeles Arrien, Ph.D., Author of The Four Fold Way

    "A friendly source of guidance and wisdom, to help you have the kind of relationship you truly want."
— John Welwood, Ph.D., Author of Journey of the Heart

    "John is a superbly skilled, wise and authentic relationship coach, and the framework he uses is magnificently suited to genuine transformation. "
— Deborah Boyar, Ph.D., Therapist and Workshop Leader

    "The most powerful strategies in relationship psychology today. They are simple to understand, and easy to use."
— Ken Crittenden, Ph.D., Psychologist

    "How to create a great relationship. Simple to understand and it lays out what you need to do step by step. And it works!"
— Timothy JohnPress, Corporate Coach and Trainer

    "Clear direction for how to go about the mysterious thing we call relationship."
— Lisa Berg, Business Coach

    "John takes us beyond myths of soulmates, and shows us how couples can truly succeed together."
— Andrew Sears, Ph.D., Psychotherapist

    "Reveals the workings of authentic real-world soulmates. There's no fluff. Just the inside story of what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams."
— Dawn Monnet, Educator, Coach and Motivational Speaker

    "John possesses exceptionally unique skills for moving people through difficult and sensitive topics and situations with both competence and empathy, yet with strength and conviction."
— Diane R. Ludgate, Ph.D., Psychologist and Corporate Trainer

    Feedback from Clients

    "After years of crises, you helped us save our marriage. We now have a great connection, a deeply shared vision, better communication, and we spend more time being happy and enjoying life together."
— G and J, Builder / Teacher

    "You helped us out of a stuck place that almost split us up. We now feel a healthy, strong connection and great joy with each other."
— J and L, Executive / Manager

    "Working with you, we learned to go beyond being defensive, and have rediscovered the love we shared in the first place."
— M and V, Producer / Sales Rep

    "You helped us solve a huge backlog of unresolved issues. We learned to communicate better, and we now spend more time being happy with each other and enjoying life together."
— R and S, Doctors

    "Our relationship has been brought up to a whole new level. It truly is amazing to see how much we have both changed and how we have moved beyond our old patterns. Now there is so much more appreciation and happiness."
— L and J, Consultant / CEO

    "You showed us how to resolve major issues which had been threatening our stability as a couple for quite some time. This has helped us increase our happiness, and kept us from falling back into old traps. We are very grateful."
— A and C, Constuction Engineer / Educator

    "You saved our relationship. We were going down into a deep hole. We were very stuck and could not have come through it without your help. As far as we are concerned, you saved the relationship. Your work is invaluable."
— O and S, Mediator / Lawyer

    "We had grown complacent. We are now growing more happy and passionate with each day. The same stresses are still there in our lives, children and work. But the tools you gave us help us to... refresh our love for each other."
— J and R, Architect / Consultant

    "Thank you so much for giving us so many tools to improve our relationship. When we came to you we were in a stalemate. It seemed that there was no way to communicate. We got preoccupied by being busy and we didn't even make time to try anymore. After the weekend with you, we did not only learn to open up communication again. We found ourselves sharing a whole new honeymoon all over again!"
— J and V, Medical Administrator / Doctor

    "We were stuck in a place where we fought over stupid things. I felt so resentful that intimacy had long ago stopped. We could be civil, but we felt the happiness we used to have was lost. Your retreat helped us move through some big blocks, understand new things, and heal the issues we couldn't even talk about. I discovered things about him I didn't know even after a decade of marriage! Deep, wonderful things. It's like I found the great guy I originally met, only more so."
— L and R, Mother / Hall of Fame Athlete

    "We did not know what to expect... whether it would be ineffective like counseling had been, or overbearing like on TV talk shows. What we found was compassionate, authentic and supportive, a coach that could mentor us in new tools and show us ways out of the box we were stuck in. It was like a visit with the wise friend we always wish we had, who could help us through our rough spots back to the love we originally shared."
— D and M, Executive / Nurse

    "I don’t know how to begin to thank you for all you did for my partner and me and our relationship. We came to you seeking help and understanding, and what we left with was far beyond our highest expectations. You possess exceptionally unique skills for moving people through difficult and sensitive topics and situations with both competence and empathy, yet with strength and conviction."
— Diane L., Psychologist and Corporate Trainer

    "You assisted me to figure out what I really wanted in my relationship. You then helped me get more skilled in communicating to my partner so that she responded in ways I had previously only hoped for. These tools have also helped me communicate more effectively at work, too."
— Jim F., Portland

    "I started talking with you about frustrations in my love life... and you helped me see and change the patterns I had been playing out... so that I now can share the kind of joyous love I truly want with a woman."
— Michael W., Silicon Valley

    "You helped me through the end of a destructive relationship... and afterwards learn from it, so that I could find the love I really wanted. I'm now in a great relationship... one that I used to dream about..."
— Richard S., New York

    "I started working with you when I was going through a painful divorce. You helped me grow from that experience, so much so that I was able to go on to find a truly rewarding relationship... which eventually turned into a great marriage!"
— Nick R., San Francisco

    If you wish to pay for a coaching session, click here to make a coaching payment now.