John Grey, Ph.D.

    John Grey, Ph.D. is a relationship coach, workshop leader and self-help author. He was originally trained as a research psychologist. Additionally he is a musician, composer and an inventor in digital audio.

    John grew up in Los Angeles and went to UCLA, where he got a B.A. in Psychology. He went on to get his Doctorate in Psychology in 1975 from Stanford University, where he taught psychology and cofounded and codirected the prominent research center CCRMA. John's psychological research was supported by the National Science Foundation Department of Psychobiology as well as the National Endowment for the Arts. His studies and findings have been published in scientific and professional journals, and his research and innovations are cited in dozens of university textbooks.

    John's early training included focus in the areas of neurobiology, behavioral and cognitive psychology, the psychology of perception and the human nervous system, psycholinguistics, somatic psychology, developmental and attachment psychology, transpersonal psychology, and mindfulness training. His postgraduate education includes training in Psychosynthesis, Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Gestalt psychology, Cognitive Therapy, Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, the Enneagram Personality System, Somatic Experiencing, Emotional Freedom Technique, Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples, a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, and Buddhist psychology.

    Since 1980, John has been in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. Over the past three decades, he has also presented workshops in communication techniques and relationship skills at places like the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, the University of California Berkeley, Stanford University, the Scripps Institute in La Jolla, and at venues throughout the Bay Area. He has given numerous professional training programs for counselors, therapists, coaches, and other helping professionals on how to effectively help clients improve their relationships and achieve personal growth. He worked with (Tony Robbins' teacher) John Grinder, Ph.D., the developer of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). He presented communication trainings for medical professionals and psychotherapists, including month-long NLP Practitioner trainings and NLP Master level trainings. He also presented personal transformation workshops, ranging from weekend intensives to week-long residential seminars at Esalen Institute and similar venues

    John's focus is relationship psychology and working with couples. He studied the work of Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, John Welwood, David Schnarch, and Harville Hendrix. He was on Dr. John Gray's (author of the bestselling Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus) referral list of couples counselors. He trained with Peter Levine, Ph.D., the developer of Somatic Experiencing (SE), Sue Johnson, Ph.D., the developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples, Stan Tatkin, Ph.D., the developer of a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) and Helen Palmer, a leading teacher of the Enneagram Personality System. Trained at Stanford as a research psychologist, John follows the scientific findings of relationship psychologists such as John Gottman and others who study marriage satisfaction, as well as neurobiologists and attachment theorists in the UCLA group, including Daniel Siegel and Allan Schore.

    John authored the following self-help books on the topic of relationship that are available on this website: The Joy of Relationship Cards and Relationship Tools for Positive Change. Additionally, John created an interactive online self-help system — the The Oracle Cards — which are freely enjoyed and consulted on this website by thousands of visitors. Also known as Soulmate Oracle, they are featured on the world's largest womens site, iVillage.com, as well as on divination sites Astrology.com and MyDivination.com. John is currently writing a new book that integrates neurobiology and attachment theory in a way that helps couples engage in practices to build secure partnership and share in authentic, fulfilling intimacy.

    John's background in digital audio technology dates back to cofounding CCRMA at Stanford University. Having real-world application, his research was a part of a joint development effort that resulted in significant new technology that was licensed to Yamaha. Incidentally, this resulted in Stanford getting one of the largest royalty incomes in any university history. Following his time at Stanford, John cofounded a number of technology startups in Silicon Valley and Berkeley, and given his prominence in founding CCRMA, he conceived and was able to initiate the founding of another major research center in the late 1980's, CNMAT at the University of California at Berkeley. Additionally, John is a composer-performer, publishing solo piano music, The Heart Also Opens, and he has been featured in the GoodSound Band with Loren Rush and Janis Mattox.

Educational Data

B.A., Psychology, UCLA, 1970
Ph.D., Psychology, Stanford University, 1975

Focal Areas — Cognition, Perception, Psycholinguistics, Psychology of Music
Teaching — Stanford University Departments of Psychology, Computer Science, Music

Postgraduate Training Programs:
    Psychosynthesis at the SF Institute — with Phil Brooks, Ph.D. and Tom Yoemans, Ph.D.
    Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) — with founder John Grinder, Ph.D.
    Ericksonian Hypnotherapy — with Steve Gilligan, Ph.D. and Paul Carter
    The Enneagram Personality System — with Helen Palmer and David Daniels, M.D.
    Somatic Experiencing — with founder Peter Levine, Ph.D., Ariel Giarretto, Steve Hoskinson
    Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy — with founder Sue Johnson, Ph.D., Rebecca Jorgensen, Ph.D.
    Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy — with founder Stan Tatkin, Ph.D.

Influential Mentors and Thinkers — Daniel Siegel, Allan Schore, Susan Campbell, John Welwood, Gay and Kathyln Hendricks, Pema Chodron, Charles and Carolyn Muir, John Gray, Gangagi, Lama Kunga, Wayan Loceng, Loren Rush, David Schnarch, John Gottman, Roger Shepard, Stephen Kosslyn, Jay Dowling, Herb Clark, Earl Schubert, Andy Moorer, Ray Castellino, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle.

Work Time Line

1966-1974: John taught piano to supplement his income during college. This turned out to be foundational experience in how to teach people to acquire new skills, based on weekly sessions combined with motivated practice for the duration of the week. Good counseling and coaching involves the same focus on how to actually change behaviors and improve the ability to relate with good communication skills.

1974-1980: John cofounded internationally prominent research center CCRMA at Stanford University, with John Chowning, Andy Moorer and Loren Rush. He did psychological research and taught psychology classes, as well as teaching workshops. He also performed cross-cultural psychological studies in Bali, did team building, directed graduate student research and dissertations, developed training programs, did fundraising, and got major grant funding through the National Science Foundation Department of Psychobiology. During this time he published major research papers in leading scientific and professional journals, and was a frequent public speaker. His research findings from this time has been cited in dozens of college textbooks.

1980-1988: John left academia to go into private practice and teach workshops. He cofounded a workshop organization with the Enneagram author Eli Jaxon-Bear, which presented professional training programs and personal growth seminars. John did coaching, counseling, led professional trainings for therapists, taught workshops, was a frequent public speaker. He designed and presented a wide range of professional and personal level workshops and training programs. Included were training programs at the Esalen Institute, the University of California, and the Stanford Business School. One of the more accomplished students in John's trainings was his partner Eli's wife, Gangaji, who went on to become a prominent teacher and author. Having developed an integrated approach in personal growth psychology, John brought NLP to the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, for both public workshops and therapist trainings. John's success at Esalen exemplified his ability to deliver workshop formats that appeal to both professionals and the general public. Also, John was involved in many other high profile workshop organizations. He created a communication skills segment for Joseph Heller, teaching it to Hellerwork bodywork professionals as a part of Heller's educational program. He worked for Leslie Bandler, a cofounder of NLP. John was a colleague of John Grinder, Ph.D., the primary founder of NLP, frequently working in Grinder's training programs, developing training models and materials, and helping present a cross-cultural modeling seminar in Bali for Grinder's NLP trainers.

1988-1991: John briefly explored further techological applications of his earlier work at Stanford. During this time, he cofounded a Silicon Valley technology startup company with Hartmut Esslinger (a leading industrial designer), Jaron Lanier (an inventor in virtual reality) and Andy Hertzfeld (cocreator of the original Apple Mac computer). John did product specification and development, team recruitment, engineering management, team coordination, software and hardware design, presentations and fundraising. In this period, he also cofounded GoodSound, a company for the development and dissemination of digital audio technology for the advanced spatialization of sound in multichannel virtual acoustic environments. This technology also reconstitutes the audio quality for compressed sound, as with MP3 downloads.

1991-present: John resumed his practice in counseling and coaching, with a sole focus on working with couples. He started developing his intensive retreat format for couples in the early '90's, first offering it to friends and other therapists. The couples retreat format grew in popularity, and its effectiveness ultimately pursuaded John to specialize in leading retreats. During this time, John was on John Gray's (author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus) referral list of counselors for the San Francisco Bay Area. He frequently presented public talks, lectures, and television interviews. He conducted workshops at the Scripps Medical Center in La Jolla on the integration of body and mind, and how relationship health contributes to physical health. He produced communication skills trainings for therapists and helping professionals, and he presented relationship skills workshops for the public through the University of California, Berkeley. In this period, John published three books on relationship: The Joy of Relationship Cards, a book plus a deck of cards. Next came Becoming Soulmates, and in 2005 he wrote Relationship Tools for Positive Change. He also developed The Oracle Cards as an online self-help tool for relationship that was licensed to iVillage.com, MyDivination.com, and Astrology.com. These are also available on this website for visitors to freely explore and use. John is currently cowriting a new book with self-help author Susan Campbell that integrates neurobiology and attachment theory in a way that helps couples engage in practices to build secure partnership and share in authentic, fulfilling intimacy.

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