First study this card's image - use your intuition - and think about
what the image means to you.
What we know - that is, what we think we know - can be a big source
of problems in relating. Relationships get clogged by what partners
think they know about each other. Our most problematic "knowledge"
takes the form of labels, judgments, and expectations we have of a partner.
Such knowledge paints a very limited picture of them. If we take it
seriously, we may treat our partner as a mere caricature. Our vision
is distorted by our ideas about them. We miss seeing their true depth,
and because we treat them according to our limited ideas, they are likely
to limit how they interact with us in turn.
The card NOT KNOWING invites you to gently suspend a few familiar beliefs
and expectations. It asks you to open your heart and open your eyes,
as if you were an artist approaching a blank canvas. View your partner
with fresh eyes. This may be a good time to question all your assumed
knowledge about them, to question interpretations you make of their
actions, and to reexamine the expectations you have of them.
In fact, most of our beliefs and expectations are based on experiences
we had in childhood or previous relationships. This "knowledge"
needlessly limits us. Taken for granted, it prompts us to act as if
we already know what will happen. Can you identify an area in your relationship
where you do this? For instance, do you ever hold back from asking for
what you want because you know you will be refused? Do you tend to avoid
things because you expect a negative result? Do you ever get bored because
things have gotten too predictable? Do you sometimes block yourself
in solving a problem because you think you already know all there is
to know? For instance, you may think you know what's really going on,
that you know your limits and the limits of your partner. But this so-called
knowledge may be limiting your options - and your joy.
This card challenges you to overcome the limiting effects of all such
"knowledge." Forget what you think you know! See things with
fresh eyes. This is the best starting point for finding freshness in
your relationship - and for finding fresh solutions to stale old problems.
Honestly admit that you don't know everything, that you may be mistaken
in how you see things. Realize that your thoughts, familiar as they
are, hold little true freshness. Allow your mind to become like a blank
canvas. When thoughts come up, let them pass. Approach the present moment
with total curiosity. Open your inner doors, and discover new, positive,
and fulfilling options.
NOT KNOWING asks you to reawaken your heart to the wonder and mystery
of a person whom you thought you knew all too well - your partner. While
you may often predict how they will feel or behave, people are more
than patterns - and nobody stays the same. You err when you treat someone
as predictable. You only confine them - and needlessly limit how you
interact. When you limit yourself this way, you stifle much happiness
and fulfillment.
This card suggests an antidote. Clear your eyes and see your partner anew.
Open your heart! Remember that light spirit of inquisitiveness you had
when you first met them. And remember that we are all much larger and
far more mysterious than any presumed knowledge about us can ever capture.
©1995-2004 John Grey & Bonney Meyer