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"You saved our relationship.
We were stuck and could not have come
through it without your help." — from past clients (read
more)
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What
Results Can You Get?
The retreat is shaped by your personal
goals and circumstances. Unlike one-size-fits-all approaches
and religion-based marriage encounters, the retreat
is tailored around your unique agenda — to meet your particular needs,
wants and goals.
A retreat typically gives you new clarity,
and increased effectiveness in communication. It helps you move beyond stuck
places, make new agreements, renew positive appreciation
and connection, and develop a deeper sense of shared vision.
In a retreat, you will acquire key tools
and strategies to get your relationship moving in a positive
direction, and to keep it growing positively once you return home. |
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Relationship aspects normally covered in a retreat include the following:
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Change patterns that
do not work. Learn why relationships get stuck, how couples
polarize over differences, and why issues build up over time.
Find out how your specific personality patterns interact, and
clearly identify the key challenges and paths for positive growth
in your relationship. Learn tools for what to say or do to avoid
getting stuck, and to keep things on a positive track. |
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Create a powerful shared
vision. See the big picture and get broader perspective
on how to move forward. Establish a solid foundation that gives
vital strength to your relationship, one which creates a sense
of shared purpose, and helps you work through challenges. Make
specific new agreements to support increased harmony and positive
growth. |
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Effective positive communication.
Learn a set of key strategies that will prevent poor communication
under any circumstances. Get proactive methods to communicate
very well, even with difficult matters. You will gain tools
that enable you to have your views heard, to make effective
requests, to set healthy personal boundaries, to avoid emotional
gridlock, and to truly resolve issues. |
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Transform negative feelings.
Emotions are at the root of all relationship problems. Learn
tools to resolve emotionally charged issues, to develop emotional
choices, and to release old baggage. Gain tools for inner peace, self-confidence
and healing. Learn to center yourself in any situation, to soothe
your feelings, and to more easily support your partner to
work with their feelings. |
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Build trust and positive
connection. Gain essential tools for being proactive
in your relationship — with constructive behavior that
increases trust, mutual understanding and satisfaction.
Rediscover positive shared feelings that were buried behind
unresolved issues or emotional walls. Learn strategies to strengthen appreciation
and positive heartfelt connection on a daily basis. |
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The work in the areas above, and the
exact focus that is held in your retreat, will be tailored to match your personal styles and
agendas.
Each couple is different, and each person is different. What works for one person does not work for another. That's why standardized approaches, found in normal therapy and group workshops, so often fail to produce results.
This retreat is flexible and skilled enough to address the particular wants and
needs of each person in terms of their own personality type. |
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Your retreat is devoted to going into depth
with regard to your goals and issues. And doing so in exactly the
way that best supports you to succeed. Depending on your
specific goals, you might acquire tools and strategies to achieve any of
the following — or even more: |
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What's
a Retreat Like?
A frequently asked question is about what happens in a retreat. It is reasonable to wonder what's involved.
Some couples had poor experiences in counseling at home, and worry that a retreat is going to be like that — only more intense. Not so....
Couples often remark how pleasant and valuable the retreat is. Those who tried traditional therapy say how different this retreat is — in giving them useful results. |
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A retreat has three aspects —
intake, education and coaching. In intake, you clarify what you
want. In education, you will learn new tools and strategies. In
coaching, you will be helped to apply these tools to create the positive
changes you want.
Although there is not a hard line between
these aspects, here is an overall picture of how a retreat progresses. Generally, a retreat can be thought of as a series of four sessions (each one being about 4 hours long, including ample time for breaks):
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Clarifying Goals —
The first session is about getting to know you. All couples seem to arrive
nervous. This is not a bad thing. It's energy for change.
We start by discussing your situation and what you
hope to get from the retreat. We all get comfortable together,
as we clarify what you truly do want to accomplish in your retreat. Additionally, you learn things you didn't know about your different personalities,
the underlying sources of stress, and areas for new positive
growth in your relationship. |
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Learning New Tools —
The next session is educational, where you will learn new tools and strategies. You will gain tools that best
help you achieve your goals and resolve your issues. You
will get specific strategies that are relevant to your personal situation
and how you want to change it. We address what helps your
unique circumstances and individual goals — in the areas
of communication improvement, dealing with difficult feelings,
building a stronger shared vision, and negotiating new agreements
that will help you maintain progress on a positive new road
together. |
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Coaching for Positive Change — By the third session, we are
well into the application phase. With expert coaching, you
will learn to apply the tools and strategies to your relationship with the goals to resolve your issues, make new agreements, and
make positive changes. Sometimes we all work together; sometimes
the work is individual. The fourth session will continue this
work along with further coaching. The timing is open-ended. We work
until you are satisfied you have made tangible progress in
your goals and solving issues, made clear new
agreements that will work better, and now have solid tools
to continue your progress once you return home. |
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The retreat is intensive but not overwhelming.
We spend about 14 hours spread over a two or three day period working together.
Many couples arrive wondering how they will spend so much time together,
focused on their relationship — especially if previous efforts
to do this have not yielded good results.
It is interesting to note that
it is primarily a couple's enthusiasm that keeps the work going, where time seems to pass in a state of flow. |
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It is a couple's growing interest in what they discover in the retreat — and the progress they are making — that motivates the length of time we spend together. And despite the intensity of the learning, there is still ample time to take stretch breaks and have long, relaxing lunches.
Contact
Us About a Retreat. We would like to talk to you before
deciding to do a retreat. This intensive format works for most
people, but it's not the best fit for everyone. We'd like to
discuss it with you first, by email or phone. |
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Are
Certain Beliefs Involved?
A frequently asked question is whether the retreat is based in any religious sets of beliefs that pertain to love, relationship or marriage. It is not.
Some couples have reported about certain religious approaches where it was attempted to "guilt" them into staying together.
It is highly unlikely such a tactic could stand the test of time. Real change needs to happen. |
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To stay together, couples need to be happy together. You can only get there by using new and more effective tools to communicate in a way that creates positive closeness. Only that will change things for the better.
Is this retreat based in religious
beliefs? No. This is not a marriage encounter, nor is it based
on any program constructed by another author or institute. What
you will get is based in practicality. You will learn useful,
practical tools — and you will get results-oriented coaching to apply these tools to
make positive changes in your relationship.
Here are the explicit beliefs and principles of this retreat:
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Everyone can build a rewarding
and satisfying relationship.
This is true regardless of past history or current circumstances. |
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Being successful requires
certain strategies and tools. These can be acquired. You
can learn how to succeed. |
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We each need to learn
these key strategies as adults. Most of us don't acquire
them growing up, thus our high rate of divorce. |
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Relationship problems
are important opportunities in disguise. They tell us it
is time to learn the right tools to succeed. |
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The basic belief is this: Seen in a positive light, relationship problems — as unwanted as they are —
are what will ultimately push each of us to grow as individuals.
The problems we come up against, in our meaningful relationships, ultimately
move us to learn new strategies and tools — ones which will
lead us back to shared happiness.
The bottom line is simply this: You can change things for the better. It's a matter of learning the right tools. |
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You can develop within yourself all the resources you need
to get the positive changes you want in your relationship. This retreat
is designed to help you do that.
Contact
Us About a Retreat. We would like to talk to you before
deciding to do a retreat. This intensive format works for most
people, but it's not the best fit for everyone. We'd like to
discuss it with you first, by email or phone. |
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Costs, Location and Schedule
The retreats are located in the northern part of the San Francisco Bay Area in California. They are given in Sonoma County in the small town of Sebastopol.
Sonoma County is one of the premiere grape-growing areas in the world. The landscape here is a breathtaking patchwork of vineyards spread across gentle hills.
Even if you do not partake of wine-tasting, you'll have plenty of fun things here to see and do. |
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The activities and sights will take you from redwood forests, to rivers, on out to the beaches and the Pacific Ocean. Add top quality restaurants, the charm of small towns set amidst wineries — and you may even feel like you're in Provence!
The retreats take place in the small town of Sebastopol, located in Sonoma County, California. There is not an advance schedule for most of the retreats. Instead, a retreat is often scheduled with you, to match your scheduling needs.
All retreats include the possibility of receiving followup coaching with John by phone.
The following sections give you details about each of the two kinds of retreats offered — the Private Retreat and the Small Group Retreat. |
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Private Retreat for One Couple
You and your partner have a private retreat where you alone work directly with John. The normal retreat includes approximately 14 hours of work, spread over two days. Couples who have the time, resources and interest may arrange for longer retreats. |
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The Private Retreat offers couples a rare level of personal coaching
and can result in a profound depth of positive transformation and change.
This is the retreat that is by far in the highest demand by couples who approach us, who want to take significant steps to make meaningful improvements in their relationships.
You can arrange a Private Retreat on a weekend or during the week, whichever works best for your scheduling needs. |
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The cost is $2,600 for the two-day retreat.
Travel, meals and accommodations are extra. We have an online list of great places to stay.
This retreat is available throughout the year and
can be set up on relatively short notice. Often you can arrange to have a Private Retreat scheduled within one to three weeks
of when you contact us asking for one. See the calendar below for particulars. |
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Shared Small Group Retreat
You
and your partner join one to three other couples to share a retreat together.
The duration of the retreat is approximately 14 hours spread over two days.
A Group Retreat is scheduled once we have two couples asking for this type of retreat who agree on a weekend. From there, a possible third or fourth couple may join the group. On average, a Group Retreat occurs every other month. |
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This is a retreat for couples who are not necessarily in a hurry — or for couples who don't need in-depth personal coaching.
If you do want such work, you can arrange to get additional private sessions with John — in person or later by phone.
This type of retreat is usually offered on weekends. The cost is $1,300 per couple.
Travel, meals and accommodations are not included. |
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Retreat Schedule Calendar
The next few months are shown below. Days colored White are available for a Private Retreat. Days colored Red are not available. Days colored Green are an available Group Retreat. |
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Reviews
by Experts
Here are some comments by experts in the field of love and relationship on the relationship tools John has written about and created...
"Powerful tools to expand joy and happiness. Discover new options
that will make a positive difference in your relationship."
— John Gray, Ph.D., Author of the Best Seller Men Are from Mars,
Women Are from Venus |
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"A thoughtful, inspiring guidebook for the qualities and stages
necessary for fulfilling, growth-filled relationships."
— Angeles Arrien, Ph.D., Author of The Four Fold
Way
"A friendly source of guidance and wisdom, to help you have the
kind of relationship you truly want."
— John Welwood, Ph.D., Author of Journey of the
Heart
"John takes us beyond
myths of soulmates, and shows us how couples can truly succeed
together."
— Andrew Sears, Ph.D., Psychotherapist
"Reveals the
workings of authentic real-world soulmates. There's no fluff.
Just the inside story of what it takes to have the relationship
of your dreams."
— Dawn Monnet, Educator, Coach and Motivational
Speaker
"John possesses exceptionally
unique skills for moving people through difficult and sensitive
topics and situations with both competence and empathy, yet with
strength and conviction."
— Diane R. Ludgate, Ph.D., Psychologist and Corporate Trainer |
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"John offers us the most powerful strategies in relationship
psychology today. They are simple to understand, and easy
to use."
— Ken Crittenden, Ph.D., Psychologist
"How to
create a great relationship. Simple to understand and it lays
out what you need to do step by step. And it works!"
— Timothy JohnPress, Corporate Coach |
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"Clear direction
for how to go about the mysterious thing we call relationship."
— Lisa Berg, Business Coach |
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Feedback
from Clients
"You saved our relationship.
We really couldn't have done it without you. We were headed toward
a deep hole. We were stuck and could not have come through it without
your help. As far as we are concerned, you saved the relationship.
So much so, that we've been giving your book as wedding presents.
And if we could afford it, we would give your retreat to all couples
we love. Your work is invaluable."
— O and S, Mediator / Lawyer
"I don’t know how to begin to
thank you for all you did for my partner and me, and for our relationship.
We came to you seeking help and understanding, and what we left
with was far beyond our highest expectations. You possess exceptionally
unique skills for moving people through difficult and sensitive
topics and situations with both competence and empathy, yet with
strength and conviction. Your love for your work emanates through
you."
— D and S, Psychologist / Executive
(Read
the full letter)
"Thank you so much for giving us so many tools to improve our relationship.
When we came to you we were in a stalemate. It seemed that there
was no way to communicate. We got preoccupied by being busy and
we didn't even make time to try anymore. After the weekend with
you, we did not only learn to open up communication again. We found
ourselves sharing a whole new honeymoon all over again!"
— J and V, Medical Administrator / Doctor
"We were stuck in a place where we
fought over stupid things. I felt so resentful that intimacy had
long ago stopped. We could be civil, but we felt the happiness we
used to have was lost. Your retreat helped us move through some
big blocks, understand new things, and heal the issues we couldn't
even talk about. I discovered things about him I didn't know even
after a decade of marriage! Deep, wonderful things. It's like I
found the great guy I originally met, only more so."
— L and R, Mother / Hall of Fame Athlete
"We did not know what to expect at
your retreat, whether it would be ineffective like counseling had
been, or overbearing like on TV talk shows. What we found was compassionate,
authentic and supportive, a coach that could mentor us in new tools
and show us ways out of the box we were stuck in. It was like a visit with the wise friend we always wish we had, who could
help us through our rough spots back to the love we originally shared."
— D and M, Executive / Nurse
"The retreat opened doors for us to
renew the spark. We had grown complacent. We are now growing more
happy and passionate with each day. The same outside stresses are
still there in our lives, children and work. But the tools you gave
us help us to check in with each other on a daily basis, in ways
that open our hearts to each other and refresh our love for each
other. Thank you so much for this gift!"
— J and R, Architect / Consultant
"Your retreat greatly improved our marriage.
We were anxious when we got there. But we quickly became comfortable
in your presence. You showed us how to resolve issues which had
been threatening our stability as a couple. You taught us tools
we have continued to use over the year since our retreat with you.
This has helped us increase our happiness, and kept us from falling
back into old traps. We are very grateful."
— A and C, Construction Engineer / Educator |
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